H1FUN1, or how I became America's Favorite Houseguest

This past month has been long and exhausting in multiple ways. It’s taken a couple weeks longer than I expected to get on my feet, which actually still hasn’t happened but is imminent. A brief outline of my October:

Oct 1: pull out of my driveway in Maine before dawn with my mother and all my belongings packed in the RAV-4. Drive to Minnesota, stopping briefly to visit various family members in college and graveyards. Also attend my grandfather’s wedding and get a near-overwhelming dose of Norwegian heritage.

Oct 6-7: Welcome to Ely. Frantically apartment search, realize that this town is like 10 blocks in any direction and fire code doesn’t come into play much. The one I sign for technically isn’t available till November, but Current Tenant “will definitely be out the weekend of the 18^th”. Perfect. Spend several days on couch of Matronly Friend of Landlord who took pity on my homelessness and proves to be the nicest person ever. We walk for exercise, paint her living room and go to a brunch celebrating Brett Favre's 40th birthday. I establish a total monopoly on Ely’s 55+ female demographic.

Now this is really the part where I demonstrate why you should all invite me spend time in your homes. Since I don’t have anywhere to live (Current Tenant decides to stay to the 20^th, which is cool, I can totally deal) and nothing to do until my boss-to-be is back in town, I visit friends in the Twin Cities! I spend four days longer than planned on Erin/Anna/Meaghan’s couch, having a delightful, sun-soaked, nostalgia filled week with college friends, generally reveling in the under 55+ demographic. I would have to say that my signature Favored Houseguest move, however, would be showing up to family dinner at Aunt Martha’s and Uncle Bruce’s Monday (planning to just stay one night) with a worrisome cough which then blossoms overnight into H1N1. Current tenant decides to stay until the 26^th. Ok fine, not like standing up is a possibility at this point anyways. I spend the next nine days moaning on their couch, watching lots of movies starring hobbits and coughing National Emergency-level germs on everything they own. Current Tenant decides to stay until the 30^th. I cry, though frankly I’m so puffy and oozy already that my happy face and sobbing face are indistinguishable.

Final score: me-1

Swine Flu-9 days of my life and lots of Martha’s orange juice

Takeaway message: Invite me into your homes! I will probably stay a week longer than I say I will and also maybe infect you and your children with a lethal virus. You haven’t missed your chance completely yet since I’m still homeless for another few days. Special thanks to Current Tenant, who made this all possible, but then made up for it by leaving me her microwave.